Astrology of Relationships : Beyond Tradition

What can astrology tell us about relationships? Here we look at astrological influence from sun signs and moon signs, all the way to the influence of the outer planets that take us beyond our ideas of a traditional relationship.

It’s basic astrology to know your sun sign from your date of birth and then to see how you ‘get on’ with other sun signs. For example, fire signs: Aries, Leo and Sagittarius will get on with each other as will the air signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius. Also fire and air get on with each other. Similarly, the earth signs: Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn will connect as will the water signs Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces. Earth and water get on together as well.

But astrology is about more than your sun sign. Your moon sign is also important as well. The position of the moon depends on what phase the moon was in when you were born: new, waxing, full or waning. But in order to know which sign the moon is in you have to go online and look it up. If you know the moon sign, you’ll know what is instinctual in someone, what their unconscious responses are, what irritates them and what they have to do to chill out when they’re irritated. And when you look at a relationship, the moon position will give you a better idea of the soul connection between two individuals.

So, if both the sun and moon are in signs that are friendly or in good aspect to each other, the connection can be even closer and stronger. Two people will not only enjoy each other’s company but also have a feeling of belonging together.

But that’s just the beginning of it! Just because there’s a good soul connection with someone, it doesn’t say anything about what the sex will be like. If we want to know about that side of the relationship, we have to look at the connections between Mars and Venus to get a basic idea. While the position of Venus in an individual’s chart will tell us about their concern for their appearance, who they find beautiful and what attracts them in a person, the position of Mars will tell us about their animal presence and what turns them on.

Someone with an easy Mars-Venus connection will be turned on by the people they find attractive. While for those with a less direct or more challenging connection between Mars and Venus, this can mean that just because they find someone gorgeous doesn’t mean that they are turned on by them. On the other hand, they may find that they have sexual chemistry with someone even though they don’t find them particularly attractive

Of course, sexual chemistry can be present between two people for whom it’s not appropriate. In situations where there is a power imbalance such as between boss and worker, between therapist and client or between teacher and student. Or even between members of a family. In these situations, it’s usually necessary to find a way to transform this energy into something creative and wholesome.

But, as well as the Mars-Venus physical connection and the Sun-Moon soul connection, for a successful relationship there needs to be basic communication – you need to be able to talk to each other and understand each other. And this you can tell from the position of Mercury in the chart. Mercury tells us about the way someone thinks, how they put their ideas across, if they’re a good listener or if they are a monologue artist for example. And if the Mercuries in both charts meet, then they will get on in that way as well. Bearing in mind of course that verbal communication is more important for some than others so non-verbal communication needs to be considered as well.

Then there’s how two people connect socially. If it’s going to be more than a one-time thing, then there is the question of whether A will get on with B’s friends (and vice versa). This is suggested by the positions of Jupiter in the charts. Even if they get on at the physical, soul and communication levels, there may be a disconnect when it comes to friend groups. While this can be worked around in personal relationships, in the business world or if you’re a football manager trying to get a bunch of expensive superstar players to work together as a team, it can make or break. Please check the Jupiter positions before you hire or pay an astronomical transfer fee, it’ll save you a lot of hassle and expense. Don’t know how to find out or interpret the position of Jupiter? Ask a professional astrologer. You’ll find our rates quite reasonable.

To see if a relationship is going to last, you need to check the Saturn connection. Without a strong Saturn connection in a chart, it’ll be ‘Just one of those things’ – a holiday romance, a one-night stand. Saturn gives things solidity and endurance. It gets you through the tough times. It’s the ‘for better, for worse,’ in a relationship. Not necessarily a marriage but something that lasts longer than a summer.

The Saturn position will also tell you how good the person is at taking responsibility. You don’t want to get into a position where someone with a strongly configured Saturn is carrying or cleaning up after someone who is ‘responsibility-avoidant’, covering up their mistakes, paying their gambling debts for example or generally shielding them from the consequences of their actions. That type of relationship can easily descend into co-dependency which is not good for either party.

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Moving beyond Saturn into the outer-space of relationships we come first to the planet Uranus. If you read older astrology books you will see Uranus described as unconventional, freedom-loving, bohemian. More modern books will describe this planet as independent, revolutionary, rebellious, disruptive. From the relationship point of view, Uranus opens us to the possibility of relating outside conventions, for example outside our tribe or group. It allows the possibility of connecting with someone of a different class, social group, race or religion. Uranian energies and the qualities of Aquarius, the sign it rules, are essentially humanist – seeing a person as a human being rather than someone defined by their social, ethnic or religious identity.

But Uranus can also take us beyond the ‘norms’ of heterosexuality. We’ve known since the 1950s when the Kinsey report came out that the world isn’t just divided into gay and straight. There is a whole range of sexualities from 100% gay to degrees of bisexuality to 100% straight. The configuration of Uranus in the chart allows this possibility but does not determine the necessity. That is suggested by other astrological factors.

Even though same-sex relationships are becoming more accepted in many countries with same-sex marriage, civil-partnerships, surrogacy and adoption, Uranus refuses to settle into a ‘gay’ version of traditional relationships. It’s not happy with ‘out of the closet, into the suburbs’. And as Pluto enters Aquarius – the sign ruled by Uranus – the non-binary and the genderqueer are becoming more ‘out’ at least as far as the media are concerned.

Cartoon of two people. Heading - Porn movies and Disney are responsible for the most frustrated human beings I know. She says 'Where the hell is my prince charming?'. He says 'Where the hell is my insatiable whore?'Following from Uranus we enter the world influenced by Neptune. Elsewhere we’ve discussed the influence of this planet through photography, movies and now social media but when it comes to relationships the influence of Neptune creates a sense of fantasy. This can be the fantasy of the perfect romance as promulgated by romantic novels and Hollywood movies; it can also be the influence of pornography, with sexuality reduced to the visual stimulation of the imagination. Neptune can also take us into the world of sexual fetishism: the fantasy underwear, boots, harnesses, even into a fascination with muscles, an obsession with feet, adventures in watersports and so on.

And then on to Pluto, and the influence of this planet can go beyond fetishism to games of power and control. These can be consensual activities with agreed boundaries as in BDSM which is defined as ‘a form of consensual power exchange where both participants are empowered’, in other words a relationship which is based on trust. This is a totally different type of relationship from abuse which is the cruel and violent treatment of another person and therefore non-consensual.

But these destructive power games don’t necessarily have to be sexual. A controlling relationship can involve gaslighting, guilt trips, intimidation, isolation from friends and family and other forms of destructive dominance. And as many researchers have discovered, the abuser can be a woman as well as a man.  And comparing the charts of individuals in an abusive relationship, Pluto is invariably involved.

Diagram listing the differences between a consensual BDSM relationship and abuse.

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Just as each individual is unique, so is each relationship. What we have presented here are the guidelines to planetary influence in intimate personal relationships. but the science of astrology can also be used to make sense of relationships in business, in friendships in general as well as relationships in a family.

There are other influences to explore as well. The influence of the centaurs in mythologizing relationships, the karmic aspects of relationships as shown through the moon’s nodes. These we hope to look at in due course.

We are always learning from each other and maybe our understanding of relationships seen through the lens of astrology can help throw some light on and help us make sense of how we relate to each other as well as deepening our understanding of astrological influence.

Ben Belinsky

June 2024

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