The Care and Maintenance of the Astrological Signs

A Guide to the habits and proclivities of each astrological sign and how to keep them happy

Each astrological sign has its own particular needs. Thing is, they may not always be able to articulate what those needs are. It’s a bit like with pets. It’s good to have some sort of guide to understand their habits, what they like to eat, how to keep them happy and maybe most importantly, what to avoid. What keeps a Cancerian content for example would probably drive a Sagittarian to distraction and beyond. What satisfies a Capricorn would leave a Gemini bored and restless.

But here we have a field guide to help you to appreciate the needs of each particular sign and how to bring out their best. My modest contribution to world peace and the survival of the human race.

How to look after your Leo

Well apart from the basics like a warm place to sleep there are other essentials that will keep your Leo happily purring away. First of all, the hair must be looked after. It may not be a flowing mane, but it will still need regular attention. It must look right, so a good shampoo and conditioner are necessary, plus regular trips to the hairdresser. Then after the hair, the clothes are important. They have to express the right style and image – the right balance of elegant professionalism and nobility. Ostentation however will never do. It smacks of vulgarity and that is the last thing that a Leo wishes to express. Though just a touch of 24 carat bling would not come amiss. You can guess from this that a Leo partner can be high maintenance, but they’re (usually) worth it!

Praise and positive encouragement are essential as well for psychological well-being. Remember that a happy Leo spreads sunshine like you wouldn’t believe. An unhappy Leo is probably involved in some self-centred drama. Best give them space to get over it. You really don’t want to provoke them.

So, whether your Leo is a boss, a lover, a family member, a friend or a child, birthdays are important. Leos are after all the sun-ruled, golden maned, loveable, fixed fire signs of the zodiac and they deserve our appreciation, for the world would be a duller place without them.

How to look after your Virgo

You’d think the care of this sign would be easy wouldn’t you. Just feed them and keep their place clean. If only it were that easy! You see Virgos are particular, and an important watchword for this sign is ‘discrimination’. Take food for example. Not all Virgoans are vegans. They may have an aversion to tomatoes, or even perversely a mistrust of anything that doesn’t come from a supermarket. Yes, Virgoans are picky but each one is picky in their own way.

Another keyword for Virgo is ‘purity’. Sort of goes with the territory. But that doesn’t mean you have to get them drunk first before you bed them. But things have to be just right for a Virgo before they ‘put out’, er… ‘surrender to the pleasures of physical intimacy’. Even their sluttish moments (and I include men here) are subject to discernment.

A hypothesis for you. Maybe the Virgoan need for order informs their ability to compartmentalise. “It’s the weekend!” says the Virgo who has structured and scheduled their week. Watch them go! Hypocrisy? No way! Just the Virgoan ability to put things in separate boxes.

Now this is not a criticism. (Please do not criticise your Virgo or if you do, do not be surprised by the reaction.) Compartmentalisation is a valid coping strategy. It has its place.

Oh, one more thing. Virgos love mess because it gives them something to do. The incomparable satisfaction of cleaning behind the fridge!

Sorry there’s so much detail here. But Virgos are meticulous and detail is important. Thank you.

How to look after your Libran

The world has become an ugly place. It has grown too busy for beauty. All is rush, all is doing. Fairness is no longer a priority. Harmony and balance, the soft values that support life and nurture relationships are decried as idleness, or mocked as naivety.

It’s not easy being a Libran in this world. Knowing the perfection of what life could be and having to live with the constant glaring dissonance of it all.

And somehow, within this, the Libran must find a way to live according to the principles of justice and beauty. For their own sanity and well-being as much as for the sanity and well-being of others. For how can I be at peace if others are not, and if all around me is noise and confrontation?

Does this make Librans soft and fluffy? Far from it! Watch as they make a stand against injustice. A Libran in a strop is tough and determined, quite fearsome in fact.

And so, to look after your Libran you are asked firstly, never to dismiss their sense of fair play; secondly, to allow them plenty of time to make decisions; and most importantly to understand their need for a creative space where they can sustain the harmony, keep the balance and create beauty. They will love you for it.

How to look after your Scorpio

Let me make this clear, a Scorpio person is never ‘yours’. They will be loyal to you, unstintingly loyal, but under the following non-negotiable conditions:

• Be sincere and committed. Make sure they are first, never second or third. They will return that commitment and loyalty ‘unto death’.
• Be honest, whatever you’ve done. If you are honest, they will respect you.
• Never lie to them. Never! Not even a white lie. They will pick it up, disrespect you and retreat.
• When they go off and do their thing, don’t complain, don’t ask and above all don’t get needy. If they see you are independent, they will respect you.
• When they’re in the mood for some loving, you may only refuse them if you are really sick.

To summarise, be loving, kind and giving at all times, even when you don’t feel like it. If you treat Scorpios with kid gloves you will always have their love. And pray like hell you never get to experience the sting.
(Thanks to EP for suggestions on this section)

How to look after your Sagittarian

A Sagittarian needs space. Look at the image. Not just a man on a horse, the horse and the rider are one. It’s a centaur. The horse represents instinct, while the rider is intelligence. OK, so once the Sagittarian has learned how to get instinct and intelligence to work together, then it’s got to shoot arrows. A centaur galloping around shooting arrows! It needs space!

And I’m not just talking about physical space but also mental and cultural space. Young Sagittarians love to play. Then they get into sports and exploration and the open air. Then as they mature and maybe slow down a bit, they’re exploring philosophy, anthropology, the meaning of life and what it really means to be human.

They never quite get the hang of emotions. If a Taurean tries to own a Sagittarian, they’re asking for disappointment. If a Cancerian asks a Sagittarian, “Did you miss me?” they’ll be met with incomprehension. For Scorpios sex is a passionate merging of bodies and souls. For Sagittarians it is a sport, good exercise and jolly good fun. The best relationship for a Sagittarian is a playmate, a fellow traveller.

So, give your Sagittarian space. Don’t worry about giving them goals. They’ll find their own. And if you see them heading for a disaster, you can warn them but don’t try and thwart them, they need to learn in their own way.

How to look after your Capricorn

Capricorns are into rules, so here are the rules:

Number one. Capricorns are in general risk-averse (unless they have something whacky in their chart like Sagittarius or Aquarius). So please don’t spring surprises on them. They have their plans and their structure. If any changes are proposed, they need to assess or calculate the probability of success or failure of any such change.

Number two. Capricorns need time before they commit to anything. They need to know that the deal is solid. So, give them time to check the basis of any project or relationship proposition. Once they are sure however, their loyalty is absolute.

Number three. Whatever it is, it has to serve a purpose. For example, something like a Patek Philippe watch might be considered an unnecessary, even frivolous expense by many, but for the Capricorn it has the function as an expression of their prestige.

Number four. Ostentation, nix, nix. Showing off is anathema to Capricorns. They work quietly, diligently and they expect to be rewarded for their efforts.

Number five. Don’t expect an emotional response from them. They have feelings of course but the way they are expressed is low-key and subtle. A quiet ‘thank you’ from a Capricorn means a lot.

Number six. Laugh at their jokes. Believe it or not, Capricorns are renowned for their sense of humour. I’m loath to analyse humour but just to say that Capricorns can calmly rip the assumptions from underneath your feet. Their style can be typified as dead-pan, ironic, even surrealistic.

How to look after your Aquarian

Aquarius is the sign of paradox so we’re going to start paradoxically by looking at Aquarius from its opposite sign, Leo. For those of you who know cats, you know the deal. Cats (unlike dogs) are independent. They go out when they want, they come back when they want. They do not have to justify themselves to anyone. As with cats, so with Aquarians. Don’t try and question them, don’t ask for explanations or justifications. They just do what they do. But the main difference is that Aquarians know how to open tins (most of them anyhow) and, with certain notable exceptions, will not leave dead birds on the kitchen floor as a ‘gift’.

The Aquarian mind is scientific and experimental. They’ll make an intuitive leap and see the answer to a problem without going through all the intermediate steps. Please don’t ask them to explain how they got there. They may be polite and feel obliged to come up with some post-justification just to keep you satisfied and get you off their case.

Facility with advanced technology is common to many Aquarians. Some say that Aquarians are in fact time travellers from the future. We can neither confirm nor deny this assertion. In particular, female Aquarians will resent ‘mansplaining’ from chaps who think they know the technology better than they do.

Aquarians are quite comfortable with the gender-queer and the non-binary. Any attempt to impose traditional gender roles on them is a total waste of time.

They are well-known for their detachment and are constitutionally immune to emotional manipulation. So please don’t ask them to play a part in any movie where outpourings of sentiment are required. They don’t do it. It’s not their style.

How to look after your Piscean

Pisces has a tough time with the physical, so-called ‘real’ world. It’s not easy being on land when your spirit is adapted to the flow of water. This means that Pisceans, more than any other sign, need time alone to refresh. But please don’t judge them as selfish or antisocial. Pisceans consciously or unconsciously pick up on atmospheres, unexpressed emotions and all sorts of other ‘stuff’ that’s floating around and they need solitude to make sense of things and to come back to themselves.

They also need plenty of space. You may get the impression that they are wandering through life without any aim. But that’s how they find their way. Tolkien’s quote “Not all those who wander are lost,” could have been written for a Pisces. As could these lines from the poem by Antonio Machado:

“Wanderer, there is no path,
the path is made by walking.”

Do not try to analyse your Pisces. It’s like trying to explain a poem or a dream. If you try to reduce them to ‘they’re like that because…’ they will withdraw, and you will have lost them. You thought you’d caught your fish, but you have been left with a reflection on the surface which bears no relation to who they really are.

In the middle of all this, Pisceans know what they’re doing and your attempts to understand won’t help matters. They live in a world of synchronicity where there is no such thing as coincidence, and everything, even the smallest thing has meaning, maybe multiple meanings and happens for a reason.

Value and appreciate Pisces’ sensitivity. It doesn’t mean they’re snowflakes, melting at the first challenge. Piscean compassion is informed by a courage that accepts solitude, and ultimately is at peace with death.

Again, allow them their solitude. Be open to what they bring back when they return. Listen to their dreams, their poetry, their music, their imaginings. They have so much to share.

How to look after your Aries

There’s an Aries coming and they’re moving fast. All you can do is get out of the way and hang around in case they crash and need a bit of patching up.

Did I say impulsive? Did I say impatient? You’re wasting your time if you try and hold them back. You can remind them of their obligations. They might listen. It might slow them down for a moment, but they have to learn in their own way. Just make sure they have comprehensive insurance cover and know a good divorce lawyer.

Having said that, you’re lucky to have an Aries in your life. Their confidence and get-up-and-go attitude are pure inspiration. Procrastination is not one of their sins. They decide. They act.

How to look after your Taurus

Greek poet Cavafy tells us how in his poem ‘Ithaka’. Here’s an extract:

May there be many summer mornings when,
with what pleasure, what joy,
you enter harbours you’re seeing for the first time;
may you stop at Phoenician trading stations
to buy fine things,
mother of pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
sensual perfume of every kind—
as many sensual perfumes as you can …

Cavafy has nailed it. He could have mentioned silk underwear (for both sexes), satin sheets, Belgian chocolates and fine wines. He could have mentioned long slow mornings with nothing else to do except make love. He could have mentioned the simple pleasures of gardening – the smell of earth, the herbs, the roses.

Invest in your Taurean. Your loyalty and commitment will be returned a thousand-fold.

How to look after your Gemini

Probably one of the toughest things in the world is to be a Gemini baby before they have learned to talk. These stupid adults! Why can’t they understand?

It’s tough as well from the parental point of view. But needless to say, once they have learned to speak it gets easier. Then you can expect communication in all its forms. Geminis have a need to share so be available.

Do not be surprised by Gemini’s skill at handling contradiction. “I am a strong believer that we are capable of holding two thoughts in our head at the same time,” opines Jay Rayner, restaurant critic. “We can be appalled by, say, the situation in Syria, while also being displeased by the poor cooking of a steak,” giving a perfect example of how Geminis think.

Don’t try to analyse your Gemini. By the time you’ve formulated your ideas, the Gemini will have changed into something else. The deck will have been reshuffled, a different spread will be laid out.

And don’t be surprised by Gemini’s flirtatiousness. Is it serious or is it just fun? Well, that’s the game, isn’t it?

How to look after your Cancerian

sculpture by Henry MooreCancer as a water sign like Pisces and Scorpio feels many things that cannot always be put into words: the need to feel safe, to be protected and also to protect others. The need for home, family and belonging. These form the foundation of Cancer’s pyramid of needs.

The sculpture on the right by Henry Moore expresses this emotion. The hard, outer carapace containing the soft embryonic figure within. The need to protect the fragile form so that it can survive in a harsh world.

Hard outside and soft inside, that’s the crab. And it is never a good idea to try and break through to find out what they ‘really feel’.

Remember that Cancer is ruled by the moon whose appearance changes as it goes through its phases. And in the same way Cancerians go through moods that they cannot control let alone explain themselves. Moods come and go – just let them get on with it.

Allow your Cancerian to look after you, to attend to your needs, but make sure that the equation is balanced, that their needs are met as well. The occasional cuddle will do wonders!

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